good vs evil

this last couple of days i have been thinking a lot about good and bad... light and darkness... why is it that we as humans, when left to our natural instincts, will rather go for the bad, or dark then for the good and light? in my own life i see it time and time again. if you would meet me you would think i am a good person... but that is only the outside... you don't see the inside... that which only me and God can see...i tell you... it frightens me when i look inside and i come face to face with the real me. i can't believe how much darkness and evil are inside. and all of this happens while i try to be a good person. i would hate to see myself when i am not trying to be good… can you imagine!

i read stories in the news papers about a father throwing his children from the 10th floor balcony and jumping to his own death… i read about a wife murdering her husband… i personally know a husband that had formulated a plan to murder his wife and run away with his girlfriend (and he was a good person!)…i know what’s going on in you head… your thinking “how could they!” but i tell you… all of us are able to do this kind of evil… for some reason that is in us… so why is the whole world not mass murderers you ask… i don’t know… maybe we have not all been pushed hard enough… but is the smaller evils we do really small? we talk about other people behind there backs… how many teenagers commit suicide every year because they can’t cope at school, can’t stand the jokes and gossip… we lie, we steel joy from people through our actions and words. in the bible it says that every careless word that comes out of our mouth will be judged!! WOW that is freaking scary… i just try and think how much rubbish i talk about in one week, and one day all of that will be judged!

trying to be good is good and noble… but in the end all of us are evil at heart, and are in BIG trouble. doesn’t matter how good we try to be, somehow this evil in our hearts are going to show its face. maybe it will be through a swearword when things are tough, gossiping about someone at work… driving away after crashing into a parked car, and nobody saw you…maybe that evil will become a monster and you will actually hurt some one… these evil things are like one drop of toxic waste in a glass of water. you won’t want to drink it right… even if its only one drop!

how do we defeat evil… how can we be good… really pure and clean without evil? i tell you it can’t happen by our own actions… instinct can’t be changed… we need to be made new… a new creation… a whole make over. i have found the surgeon that does this, that changes my heart… i am still frightened of judgment day… looking over my life, seeing all the evil i have done… but on that day i have someone fighting for me, someone who has the power to wipe away all of these bad stuff. who has already cleansed me…

knowing that he will be there, urges me to fight evil with good… when i feel instinct kick in, i remember what he has done… i ask him for strength… i ask him to change me and make me a new person… i ask him to live my life for me… so that his instincts can kick in and not my own…