i am suppose to write to my friends and family back home... why is it that when things are going not so well you hide and dont reach out to people? things are not going bad with me... it is just not going well... i have been working non stop for the last 5 weeks... organizing an event which i hope will impact peoples lives forever... yet in the process i have forgotten why i am doing it... isn't it weird how you can get so bussy with doing STUFF that you forget why you are doing it in the first place... and i think that is when you get tired... burn out... freak out... or loose interest. i am at a stage in life where i really have to re-evaluate why i am doing what i am doing:
-is it because i am a good person and want to do good things (this last month i was wishing to just through in the towel and go home... so i think not)
-is it because i have guilt inside and am trying to redeem myself (possibly...who of us has never done something sinfull before?)
-or is it because i have nothing better to do (oh i hope not! :))
no... i guess i am doing it because i know this is where i am suppose to be at the moment... i am doing it because its not just for my benefit... it is for the benefit of others... but it doesn't make it easy... sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do... it takes faith to believe that what you are doing is rihgt.
melancolic... sometimes up... sometimes down...
About Me
- bibab
- i am an introvert, deep thinker, creative and weird. what you see is not always what you get...
1 comment:
heya ma-nelly
really great post. a lot to think about for me. i agree with all that you've written and have (even in my 'easier life') struggled with the same question. motivations for me are generally "because it is the right thing" but that doesn't have much strength in reality. I'm not a "right" person, though I want to be, and as a less than perfect person, I am not able to perfectly be motivated by 'right'.
People motivate me quite well, but even then it is limited to those I interact with regularly. Sigh.
Love for God is my deepest desire for motivation. But the desire is not strong enough for me to say 'yes' to every opportunity for righteousness. Rather it's a measurement of how far I fall short of perfection.
just don't forget to dialogue with Him during these times. Journal, talk, think, and meet together with your team about these things. He's faithful, and you desire His glory. You'll be alright, 'cause He does the work alongside you.
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