Desperation... a word I know to well.
The feeling of loosing hope.
Loosing the will to survive.
It sneaks up on me in the darkest of nights
It takes hold of my soul
Till I'm sucked dry... a skeleton of what I used to be.
PEACE... gone... HOPE... lost
TEARS... flow... FEELINGS... numb
In times of such despair
I cry out into the night,
Hoping someone will hear my plea:
"My God, My God why have you forsaken me?
I have lost my way
I am loosing control."
But when I cry out
To the ONE who hears all, sees all, knows all...
understands all.
A tiny light of hope appears
It warms my dying soul
And then I know:
When desperation makes its move on me
Only a desperate cry to Jesus, can save my soul
"My Lord, My Lord... I am desperate for YOU!"
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
another attemp to be a poet
So many emotions
I've got to pick one
What's going on
with my inside tonight?
I feel i should scream
and then turn to tears
Or maybe cursing
will express best how i feel.
There are thoughts of regret
Feelings of hate
But mostly i wish
I could turn back the clock
I am angry and sad
Trust has been stolen
How i wish i could turn back the clock...
I've got to pick one
What's going on
with my inside tonight?
I feel i should scream
and then turn to tears
Or maybe cursing
will express best how i feel.
There are thoughts of regret
Feelings of hate
But mostly i wish
I could turn back the clock
I am angry and sad
Trust has been stolen
How i wish i could turn back the clock...
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
being a light sucks!
This first half of the year has ben a hard one.... emotionally it's been very draining... it's a good thing i didn't have to go through this while working through re-entry... suddenly re-entry seems like a puppy compared to 2008!!!!
OK, Ok... so maybe i am over exaturating... but i just wish all of this crap we call life could end... the world is a sick place, and i am tired of being part of it... why did we humans, had to go and mess with the perfect design... we are super idiots! thinking we could do it better then almighty, all knowing GOD!
its not that i don't think there is good stuff happening... i know there are a lot of good things. i guess i have been bombarded with too much bad stuff this past 6 months ... i know we are called to be a light in the darkness... but i am tired of the dark... it seems like it will never end, no matter how hard you try...
OK, Ok... so maybe i am over exaturating... but i just wish all of this crap we call life could end... the world is a sick place, and i am tired of being part of it... why did we humans, had to go and mess with the perfect design... we are super idiots! thinking we could do it better then almighty, all knowing GOD!
its not that i don't think there is good stuff happening... i know there are a lot of good things. i guess i have been bombarded with too much bad stuff this past 6 months ... i know we are called to be a light in the darkness... but i am tired of the dark... it seems like it will never end, no matter how hard you try...
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Egypt
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Monday, February 25, 2008
Something to think about
I am reading an amazing book called:" Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It is a must read.... here is something to wet your appetite.
Every time a diminishing thought arises, I repeat the vow: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore”. The first time I heard myself say this, my inner ear perked at the word “harbor”, which is a noun as well as a verb. A harbor, of course, is a place of refuge, a port of entry. I pictured the harbor of my mind – a little beat-up, perhaps, a little storm-worn, but well situated and with a nice depth. The harbor of my mind is an open bay, the only access to the island of my Self (which is a young and volcanic island, yes but fertile and promising). This island has been through some wars, it is true, but it is now committed to peace, under a new leader (me) who has instituted new policies to protect the place. And now – let the word go out, across the seven seas – there are much, much stricter laws on the books about who may enter this harbor.
You may not come here anymore with your hard and abusive thoughts, with your plague ships of thoughts, with your slave ships of thoughts, with your warships of thoughts – all these will be turned away. Likewise, any thoughts that are filled with angry of starving exiles, with malcontents and pamphleteers, mutineers and violent assassins, desperate prostitutes, pimps and seditious stowaways – you may not come here anymore, either. Cannibalistic thoughts, for obvious reasons, will no longer be received. Even missionaries will be screened carefully, for sincerity. This is a peaceful harbor, the entryway to a fine and proud island that is only now beginning to cultivate tranquility. If you can abide by these new laws, my dear thoughts, then you are welcome in my mind – otherwise, I shall turn you all back toward the sea from whence you came.
That is my mission, and it will never end.
Every time a diminishing thought arises, I repeat the vow: “I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore”. The first time I heard myself say this, my inner ear perked at the word “harbor”, which is a noun as well as a verb. A harbor, of course, is a place of refuge, a port of entry. I pictured the harbor of my mind – a little beat-up, perhaps, a little storm-worn, but well situated and with a nice depth. The harbor of my mind is an open bay, the only access to the island of my Self (which is a young and volcanic island, yes but fertile and promising). This island has been through some wars, it is true, but it is now committed to peace, under a new leader (me) who has instituted new policies to protect the place. And now – let the word go out, across the seven seas – there are much, much stricter laws on the books about who may enter this harbor.
You may not come here anymore with your hard and abusive thoughts, with your plague ships of thoughts, with your slave ships of thoughts, with your warships of thoughts – all these will be turned away. Likewise, any thoughts that are filled with angry of starving exiles, with malcontents and pamphleteers, mutineers and violent assassins, desperate prostitutes, pimps and seditious stowaways – you may not come here anymore, either. Cannibalistic thoughts, for obvious reasons, will no longer be received. Even missionaries will be screened carefully, for sincerity. This is a peaceful harbor, the entryway to a fine and proud island that is only now beginning to cultivate tranquility. If you can abide by these new laws, my dear thoughts, then you are welcome in my mind – otherwise, I shall turn you all back toward the sea from whence you came.
That is my mission, and it will never end.
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