2011

Jip... still not blogging as much as i used too... These days i tend to keep most of my thoughts to myself or share it with my husband. But the last few weeks i have had this desire to write things down... anything...

our first Christmas in Oman was not the easiest... in fact... 2011 will go down in history as one of the hardest years of my life... There where so many changes and uncertainties... i just never felt like i could relax. First packing up our lives in SA... getting all the documents and papers ready to move over seas... then moving to a new country where everything is "in-sha-allah" ... to a new community where everything is different... starting over with making friends, getting use to hell like temperature and traffic... missing home, friends and family and finally having Christmas where they don't celebrate Christmas...

jip... not an easy year... but definitely a year that i won't forget... even if i want to... a year where i have been stretched... grown.... tested... and survived... well almost any way... there is after all still a few days left... 2011 will forever be the year of trails and tribulations... i am glad its almost over... now it can only get better... i hope!

what will i do with all i have learned in 2011... cherries friendships and family more... appreciate my culture (with all its faults) more... love and adore my husband more... and try and be a good parent to our little baby that will be joining us in March/April 2012...

2012 will be another year of change... a HUGE change... bigger than moving to a new country... or understanding a new culture... this change will last a lifetime! I am super excited.... but there is a part that it also super scared... will i be able to guide and love my child the way God wants me to.... what is parenting going to be like?? what is life going to be like??? Well.... i guess we will have to wait and see... all i know is that God was with me in 2011... and he WILL be there in 2012... praise God for that... without Him... i am nothing... without Him... i will fall over and over again... without HIM... 2011 would have no meaning, and 2012 would be without Hope...

hmmm.... i wonder if this is what i was suppose to write down.... and i am almost certain this post is more for me then for the few who still reads my blog...

Thank you Jesus for being in and with me all the time... even when i am not almost here with You...

grace up close and personal

So, i haven't really blogged much. But this last 2 weeks something happened that made me think a lot, and i feel like i want to share it... to get it out there... instead of in my head.

so, my husband and i are involved with a guy who are addicted to heroin. for almost 2 years, my husband mentored him, tested him to see if he is clean, helped him to get a job, took him to a doctor when he was sick, and lend him money when he needed to eat. And it was actually going so well with him. He had a job... a good one too... this year, they paid for his medical aid, and also gave him many other extra benefits... he got an ID book... he got his license.... he was clean for almost a year... and it really seemed that this time, heroin was not going to win... i found myself hoping against all the ods, that this time, he will be able to stand up against addiction, and have a life! ( i had a friend who fell back into heroin addiction a few years ago, so you will understand why it took me so long to hope again!)

But it happened... only 2 weeks after we left SA, he started using again... and everything he has worked so hard to achieve, he through away... broke down all the relationship he had... sold everything he owned... and went back to Hillbrow... He sold the one thing i gave him... I gave it to him, because i believed it will help him to be more independent, and actually move up in life... he sold it for Heroin... with one choice, he shattered my hope and destroyed his life.

i don't really know what is hurting more... the fact that i actually started to believe, this time will be different.... or the fact that he almost died again, and are now pretending that everything is fine...

And then God started to reveal His heart to me... and i realized that loving people unconditionally actually sucks, because it means you have to realize that even though you hope, you love, you care... you have to face the fact, that you will also be disappointed...

When i gave him that thing i spoke off a few paragraphs earlier... God actually challenged me... he said... will you be willing to give it to him... even if you KNEW he will sell it and use it for drugs? I was battling with that thought for many months... i tried to find a way out of not having to give it to him... but in the end God wanted me to sacrificial something that meant a lot to me... to show HIM that i trust that HE CAN MAKE ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD.

And then, when i realized that druggie friend, sold it for drugs... basically took the hope i had in him, and smashed it on the ground.... it was like God telling me... But i gave my LIFE to you... what are you doing with that gift?? Are you really so different from your friend...

so now, he is in rehab... been clean for 10 days... the gift i gave him... that he sold for drugs... well... actually he didn't use all the money for drugs yet, so he was able to pay for a rehab... amazing huh!

I am really disappointed... and i have to make a decision... will i dare to hope, again... hoping that this time he will actually stay clean... will i dare to forgive... and will i continue to hope, even if he falls back again? ... isn't that exactly what Jesus did for me on the cross... he said:" by giving my life, i choose to love, care and hope, that you will love me back, and make a differences. i choose to believe that you will run the race set before you, and you will end up victorious... THAT IS GRACE!!! who am i not to do the same... but its not easy... and i don't think i am there yet...

OMAN

WE ARE IN OMAN!! Ok, so techincally we have been here for almost 2 weeks... And the strange thing is... is almost feel like i have always been here! I love being here, i love meeting new cultures, i love eating diffrent food every day... i love OMAN:-)
The driving part of Oman, is still freaking me out! Why do they have to drive on the right side of the road? I like the left side more! At least i don't get lost as much as in the beginning... OK... so i haven't really driven on the highways yet... to scary! but i will muster up the courage to do it at one stage... don't know when yet... but i will keep you posted!

WE have found a house to stay in the first week we where here. it is perfect for us. Can't wait to start buying furniture and make it a home! That will happen as soon as we can get a key... ins ha Allah... so knows when that will happen... but the agent promised us it will happen before the end of the month... ins ha Allah... But our house is 4km from the beach... and pretty much near the important roads, and shopping areas. We are so blessed to have found this place, i sometimes still can't believe it :-)

So we are here... after almost 6 months of planning, praying and waiting, we are here... and i have a feeling... that this will be a good thing :-)

check out this space for more Omani Adventures!

South Africa...

I have always been proud to be a South African... I have never been ashamed to be from the African continent. But this last week, I have found my self wishing that I lived somewhere else!!! And it SUCKS! I Don't want to be like this... But when people don't do there job, loose/misplace application forms, and then just shrug there shoulders, it really makes me angry! Why aren't people proud of there job any more... What makes one person do the best they can, and another not caring.

For the first time in my life, i have taken my frustration out on a help line operator! I knew that it was not that persons fault... I knew there was probably nothing she could do... But i was so upset, i just had to yell at someone! So now i am to ashamed to phone the help line again... and i feel terrible about my actions!

I am leaving this country in a few months time... My challenge for myself will be, to keep on looking at the positive things my country has to offer... try to let go of my frustration... and pray and have faith that God still has control over everything... even though it all seems like one BIG mess at the moment.

98%

So, we only need 2% more admin to be finalized, and then we will be booking our ticket to OMAN! I can't believe it is almost time! There is still a lot of things that need to happen... find a place to store our furniture while we are gone... organize a moving company to move our stuff to the storing facility.... pack up our house, so the moving company can move it to the storage facility... say goodbye to friends and family... give our pets to their new owners... book our tickets, and then we are off... hopefully all of this will happen around May...

I am not sure how i feel about the whole moving thing yet! it seems unreal at the moment... life still goes on as normal... but in the back of my mind i know it will all change soon! hope i will be ready when it happens...

any way.... so just wanted to update you... hopefully i will have more interesting stories to blog about when we are in Oman...

don't have anything to write about...

jip... still not very good at this blog thing... guess it will take a while to get back into the habit...

I am BACK!

It's been a while since my last block... i am surprised that they haven't stopped it yet!

Any way, so a lot of things has happened in my life!

1) I GOT MARRIED!! Wow... God has been so faithful! I am married to my perfect match! Its been over a year all ready! And every day i am thankful for this gift!

2) I moved to Louis Trichardt. A small town about 1 hour away from the Zimbabwe boarder. Getting used to small town life has not been easy, but i have sured learned a lot from this experience.

3) It turned out i can teach 9-12 year olds! This was a big suprize for me :-) After moving to Louis Trichardt i got a teachers job at a private school, and actually loved it! I had the privileged to teach 8 boys... oh the stories! I will always smile when i think of this time!

4) Andre and I am planning on moving to Oman this year.... hopefully sometime in April. THIS IS HUGE! Its been both our dream to move to that part of the world... now we are at the brink of actually going! will keep you posted on this...

well... of course a lot of other stuff happened since my last post... i guess i experience a few years of silence... stopped journaling... stopped blogging... at least i kept on updating my facebook statuses. But now... on the verge of my next adventure, i feel its time to break the silence! To speak out, and confront the thoughts and emotions in my head!

hope you enjoy this new journey with me :-)